Five Lessons on Race
Before the murder of George Floyd, I didn't understand the extent to which black people in America were hurting, feeling scared, or living with a general uneasiness every day. I still don't fully understand, and I probably never will.
In an effort to open my mind, increase my understanding, and build my empathy, I decided to have more conversations with black people. While it's important to remember nobody is obligated to educate you on race, many people are happy to discuss it and share their experiences.
Ramesh Nagarajah, the author of Reflections From a Token Black Friend, is one of those gracious people. These are the five most important points I learned from Ramesh. You can listen to my full conversation with Ramesh here.
1. We can't water down the meaning of the word 'racism.'
Ramesh shared a story about a night out with friends in Narragansett, Rhode Island. He was talking with a white friend when a black girl walked into the bar. Ramesh pointed the girl out to his friend and expressed interest in her.
The friend responded, "Yeah bro, she's cute, but you could have one of the white girls here."
This statement is ignorant. It's biased. It's uncalled for. But in isolation, it isn't racism.
"I don't want something like that to be defined the way I want racism to be defined," explained Ramesh. "Because when I say someone is racist, I want that to hold a lot of power. I want it to hit people in their conscience and wake them up...and provoke action. I fear that if we use it too broadly...it's going to lose that power and become one of those words that people turn a blind eye to."
We all have a responsibility to call out this behavior. It's as simple as saying, "Hey man, you probably didn't mean anything by that, but it comes across as insensitive, biased, and hurtful. It insinuates white girls are inherently better than black girls, which of course isn't true. Like I said, I don't think you had bad intent. Sometimes it's just helpful for other people to point out where we're being insensitive."
That's an easy, non-confrontational way to correct hurtful behavior. Writing it off as racist both weakens the meaning of the term and eliminates the likelihood of change.
2. Code switching is a skill to be valued, not a flaw to be mocked.
Code switching is a term to explain how people act differently depending on the group they're with.
"I say 'bruh' a lot when I'm talking to my black male friends," said Ramesh. "[There are] certain things within the community that we say to each other - that our mothers said to us - that are just funny."
Ramesh talked about the confusion black people can experience when immersed in a white culture. It toyed with his identity, and he didn't know exactly where he belonged. He was criticized for code switching both from his black friends and his white friends. Eventually his black friends came to appreciate the things they previously teased him about - like speaking properly and being well educated - when they saw the opportunities these skills afforded him.
Code switching can be inauthentic, but when it's authentic, it's good. "I think code switching is more a thing to be envied because it allows you cross those cultural bounds," said Ramesh.
3. Property taxes are an example of systemic racism, but there's a simple solution.
"When segregation ended, property taxes and redlining were done in such a way to make sure the white schools remained...white schools,” said Ramesh. “Think in the mind of a 50's politician who is probably racist. You think that the law changed and they were just like 'oh the law changed, let's sing Kumbaya together?' You would have to be very ignorant to not accept that when laws changed there were not efforts made to ensure the system maintained itself."
The term 'systemic racism' isn't an affront against white people. It's pointing out that when laws changed, other forces came into effect to ensure the status quo was maintained. Property taxes were one of those forces. High property taxes ensured black families couldn't live in nicer, whiter neighborhoods.
Schools are largely funded by property taxes. People who live in towns with higher taxes send their children to better schools. Better educations lead to better opportunities, higher paying jobs, and a cycle that perpetuates itself.
Ramesh had a great idea to solve this problem. Schools should be funded more heavily from the state than the local level. Seems like a simple solution to a decades old problem.
4. Virtue signaling - on its own - shouldn't be a bad thing.
Ramesh and I spoke about people posting black squares on Instagram. While I interpreted this action as a shallow, 'look how righteous I am' type of gesture, Ramesh helped me to understand the importance.
"You want people to showcase good virtues, and you want a society that celebrates virtues we all agree on," said Ramesh. "I want it to be cool for people to support Black Lives Matter...the same way I'm a huge patriot. I want it to be cool to love America, even if you recognize all her flaws."
Posting the black square means people will unfollow you. It means people will send you messages - some of which will be nasty. But it will also prompt conversations that need to be had.
Ideally, posting the black square would be followed by action, but if the only result is a tough conversation with one person, it can still make a positive difference.
5. Many things in life are not your fault, but you have a responsibility in how you respond to them.
When it comes to issues like race you have three general options:
Be proactively positive
Be negatively neutral
Be actively negative
As a white person in 2020, racism is not your fault, but helping to end it is your responsibility. You don't need to be an activist, but you can take time to learn about different cultures and the history that affected those cultures. This allows you to better empathize with people who are different from you.
"The effort you make to grow in the area of racism with black and white people is indiscriminate," said Ramesh. "Taking the time to be more thoughtful and reflective about how you speak, live, and act - that growth is going to make you better in everything. It's going to make you more conscious and more sensitive to how hard it might be for someone else."
Being proactively positive will be uncomfortable for many people, but it's a small price to pay for creating a country where everyone feels safety, respect, and a sense of belonging.
